COMING SOON!

I’m pitiful, that is me, I’ll never, ever learn
I’m ugly, anyone can see, that I won’t ever turn
And though I’m not too cool, I’m the perfect fool

I’m such a nerd, a real pathetic geek
I don’t know why I’m lonely, could it be that I’m homely
(And it seems that everyone really knows that)
I’m such a nerd, I’m always called a freak
I don’t know why you hate me, just ‘cause I’m irritating
(And everyone seems to know that)

I watch Star Trek, and live it too, I can speak Klingon to you
And when people see that I’m smart, they like to rip me apart
And though I am a dweeb, I just can’t believe

I’m such a nerd, a real pathetic geek
I don’t know why I’m lonely, could it be that I’m homely
(And it seems that everyone really knows that)
I’m such a nerd, I’m always called a freak
I don’t know why you hate me, just ‘cause I’m irritating
(And everyone seems to know that)

It’s not that I’m so different you see
Except for the pocket calculator I wear in my shirt
And these big thick glasses I have on
I seem to know a lot about physics and computers
And yes I snort and whine, my suspenders are great
Hey, give me time, I’ll be like Bill Gates

I’m such a nerd, a real pathetic geek
I don’t know why I’m lonely, could it be that I’m homely
(And everyone just seems to know that)
I’m such a nerd, I’m always called a freak
I don’t know why you hate me, just ‘cause I’m irritating
(And everyone just seems to know that)
(repeat)

COMING SOON!

Give me a moment I, I have to interrupt this dance
My penis is intruding, and I have to go adjust my pants
There’s lots of girls waving at me, they are just like you
They’re wondering about the rumours they heard
Asking if they’re true, well

I know I shouldn’t be bragging too much
And the guys will get envious
But between the walls and you and me
And I know this will give you glee, you know
I am about ten inches long
So by the time, I get you home, and my pants go flying off
You will see, right then

That I, I’m well hung, so I’ll set your loins on fire
With the desire, of my shlong
It’s true, I’m well hung, yes I know your crotch is burning
From the yearning, of my dong

Now I know that you got, a real loose twat
I wonder if, somehow it, maybe I can just fit it all the way in
But it’s way too long, and I’m hurting you
You don’t want to end up splitting in two

Because, I’m well hung, so I’ll set your loins on fire
With the desire, of my shlong
That’s right, I’m well hung, and I know your crotch is burning
From the yearning, of my dong

Jeremy’s hung like me (nananananana)
Ron Jeremy’s hung like me (nananananana)
Jeremy’s hung like me (nananananana)
Ron Jeremy’s hung like me (nananananana)

Every time I get wood (nananananana)
It drains alot of my blood (nananananana)
And I end up getting dizzy and lightheaded (nananananana)
I know that you are happy (nananananana)
But it’s a curse to me (nananananana)
It always ends up getting in the way (nananananana)

Because, I’m well hung, so I’ll set your loins on fire
With the desire, of my shlong
That’s right, I’m well hung, and I know your crotch is burning
From the yearning, of my dong

So after all is said and done, I just might get into porn
Ron Jeremy, he did it too..

My radio is making some annoying noise,
Some lame-ass crap they call N’Sync and Backstreet Boys
And Alanis sure has a very whiny voice (oh, no)

I just can’t see what all this country hype’s about
Or 50 cent and Kelly Clarkson or No Doubt
And I don’t really care who let the damn dogs out
(Oh no) I hate that hip-hop (Oh no) I wish it would stop

Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
Usher, Pink and TLC (Oh, no, no, no, no)

There’s Sheryl Crow, Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears
That Celine Dion can be torture to your ears
And trash like Eminem just brings me to tears
(Oh no) Marilyn Manson (Oh no) and crud like Hanson

Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
Spice Girls, Creed, Beck and Tupac
Hootie, Nelly and Nickelback
Oh, no, no, no, no, oh, no, no, no, no

Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
Mariah and Dave Matthews suck
And Destiny’s Child makes me chuck
And Ace of Base and Kid Rock
As does New Kids On The Block

(They’re on the radio now, they’re on the radio now)
Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
(They’re on the radio now)
Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now
(They’re on the radio now)
Idiots fill the radio now, idiots fill the radio now (repeat)

I think you’re already hammered,
I think you’re gonna blow chunks
I think that you reached your limit, you think I’m dumb
I think you’re drunk
I think you’re already stumbling
Looks like you’ll pass out on the floor
I thought this bar had its last call
Now the bouncer, showed us the door

And I think that you’re looped, I think you can’t drive
I think you’ll get yelled at by your wife
I think that I’m saying ‘I think’ too much
I know you’re smashed, and you’ll have a hangover

If you’re bombed, maybe you shouldn’t drive home
There’s an awful lot of cops around, and you can barely walk
If you’re bombed, maybe you need to cab home (cab home)
There’s a whole lot booze inside you, you really need to chuck

I bet it’s hard to stay sober, I bet the room always spins
I bet you see pink elephants, I bet this is where, the fun begins
And I think you’re tanked, you look like you’re fried
I think you’re feeling, queasy inside
I think you should know, that you drink too much
I can’t compete with all of that chug-a-lugging

If you’re bombed, maybe you shouldn’t drive home
There’s an awful lot of cops around, and you can barely walk
If you’re bombed, maybe you need to cab home (cab home)
There’s a whole lot booze inside you, you really need to chuck

I think you turn mean, you think you can fly
You think you’re funny, I don’t know why
And I think I’m tired, of drunken exploits
I know you’re sloshed, maybe I just should be too

If you’re bombed, maybe you shouldn’t drive home
There’s an awful lot of cops around, and you can barely walk
If you’re bombed, maybe you need to cab home (cab home)
There’s a whole lot booze inside you, you really need to chuck
Booze in you, puke it all up, you alcoholic

COMING SOON!

Well I have noticed, noticed for so long
That this girl really, really likes the shlong
But now I know, she’s a far cry from virginity
She’ll do whatever you please
And now it seems she’s horny, horny for sex

She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She reaches out and grabs right hold of your nuts
She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She takes your crotch and straddles it with her butt

Well I just hardly know her, I only know she whores
Just take her out on a date, she’ll always drop her drawers
Now you should know, she’s had over a hundred guys
But that should be no surprise
And now you’ll see, she’s easy, always easy

She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
You’ll make her come, and then she probably leaves
She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She reaches out and grabs right hold of your nuts
She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She takes your crotch and straddles it with her butt

Well, she doesn’t like teasing, she gets right to the point
Although she likes the oral sex, she mostly likes to boink
But now I see, she has a pussy that just won’t quit
And some pleasantly big tits
And now it seems, she’s always, always ready

She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She reaches out and grabs any guy she sees
She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
You’ll make her come, and then she probably leaves

She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She seems to be an incredible slut, o-o-oh
She seems to be an incredible slut, yeah
She seems to be an incredible slut, o-o-oh (repeat)

COMING SOON!

COMING SOON!

What’s the matter with this noise I’m hearing
Are you sure it’s a top ten hit?
Pardon me if I just don’t believe you
‘Cause all I really hear is shit

It’s sad that this is what music has become
It just makes me wanna gouge out my eardrums
Every kid is buying all their albums, really
But it still sounds like crap to me

What has happened to the music in it?
Doesn’t seem to be too harmonic
I don’t hear any instruments in there
Because everything is now electronic

Can’t believe this trash is actually selling
It’s got the same sound and it’s not too compelling
K-pop, hip-hop, when will all of this stop?
It still sounds like crap to me

Oh, it doesn’t matter that they’re winning Grammys
‘Cause those awards just don’t mean a thing
There’s still rock bands around, but they’re hard to be found
‘Cause they’re not all about the dancing
Or wearing all of that “bling”

What’s the deal with these so-called vocals?
Can’t you tell it’s just a chant?
Maybe they should try some actual singing
And maybe pulling up those pants
Don’t waste your money on some asshat named Kanye
You’ll get more pleasure from listening to yawning
Retro, disco, Euro, please just go
It still sounds like crap to me

Oooooh, how about writing actual lyrics
And not repeat the same old trash?
Why do they need so many damn writers
To write “come on baby, ooh, yea”

You don’t need talent to be famous, honey
All you need is looks and you’ll make lots of money
It’s the dance stuff, rap stuff, I don’t, give a fuck
It still sounds like crap to me
Everyone’s brainwashed by this new trend, sadly
But it still sounds like crap to me!

People playing different games
Some are good and some are lame
I really like RPGs
Just like my Final Fantasy

It gives me such a thrill, to be collecting Gil
My skills, my magic spells, items I buy or sell
Cactaurs and Marlboros, Moogles and Chocobos
I need to level up, before I fight this boss
‘Cause it’s Final Fantasy

The armour and weapons, crystals and summoning
Side games and mini quests, and inns where I can rest
Airships and Gold Saucer, potions and elixirs
Dungeons, caves and castles, this fun never gets dull
‘Cause it’s Final Fantasy

Shiva and Bahamut, Ultima and Ifrit
Phoenix, Leviathan, Carbuncle and Titan
Lightning, Squall and Tidus, Tifa, Vivi and Noctis
Yuna, Cid, Locke, Cloud Strife, this really is the life
‘Cause it’s Final Fantasy
(Fantasy)

Early in the morning, couldn’t sleep
On the couch ‘cause the room reeked
I had gas all night, it burned your nose
Maybe I shouldn’t have had tacos

Letting them rip during breakfast
You hurried me out ‘cause you’re getting pissed
The kids refusing their drive to school
And everyone dropped out of the car pool

Oh no, not again, it smells so bad, will it ever end?
It’s flatuation (ewww), it’s flatuation (ewww)
It’s flatuation (ewww), it’s flatuation (ewww)

Still going strong when I got to work
Everyone calling me a jerk
Boss calls me in and tells me angrily
Take a day off for my ass and me

Oh no, not again, it just won’t stop, I can’t understand
It’s flatuation (ewww), it’s flatuation (ewww)
It’s flatuation (ewww), it’s flatuation (ewww)
Flatuating, baby, whoo, yea!

Thought I was done when I got home
But it came back worse, I guess I should have known
You were so pale, you could not breathe
You packed my bags and asked me to leave

Oh no, not again, my ass won’t quit, I’m a smelly man
It’s flatuation, it’s Flatuation
It’s flatuation, it’s Flatuation
Let ‘em rip, it’s Flatuation
Let ‘em rip, let ‘em rip, let ‘em rip, let ‘em rip, whoo!
It’s flatuation, it’s flatuation (ewww)
It’s flatuation (ewww), it’s flatuation (ewww) whoo!
Flatuating, flatuating, it’s flatuation…

Just about long time ago
I set out on a course
Seeking some Jedi training
Learnin’ the ways of the force
The good side, and the dark side
I guess Ben will show the way
Oh I’ll, be a Jedi one day

Flew out on my X-Wing
To the mud swamps of Dagobah
I brought Artoo with me
And I met up with Yoda
Don’t have much time to train me
I need to save my friends
Yoda, says that a Jedi I’ll be

I went out to Cloud city
I wish I never had
Somehow I lost my damn hand
Seems Vader is my dad
I once started out as a farm boy
Now I’m in over my head
Oh, Darth said a Jedi I’m not

If only I had listened
To Yoda and to Ben
Instead of rushing out
Not yet ready for the burden
Now my training is complete
I’ll face Darth again
Oh yes, looks like a Jedi I am
Oh yes, I’ll be the Jedi I am

I’ve tried different ice creams, I’m not sure why
I’m sick of cake and fruit cocktail, and all those pies
But there’s one dessert that you can’t deny

Jell-O, with whipped cream and strawberries
Yes, I’ve seen it in the fridge, now I want it in my bowl
It wiggles and it jiggles, ‘cause it’s a gelatin mold
Yes it seems to make enough, for a family of four
If it can’t feed everybody… just make more

I long to make a lot of lemon-lime
Just mix two cups of water in, and you’ll be fine
I see that skin form on top every time

Jell-O, I’ve just got to have some more
Because it really makes me smile
When I eat those pudding pops
Yes it comes in different flavours
The fun never seems to stop
Till me if it’s chilled enough, or out of the fridge too soon
Don’t think you’re too full ‘cause there’s… always room

Jell-O, with whipped cream and strawberries
Yes, I’ve seen it in the fridge, now I want it in my bowl
It wiggles and it jiggles, ‘cause it’s a gelatin mold
Yes it seems to make enough, for a family of four
If it can’t feed everybody… just make more

Jell-O, Kool-Aid! Let the party start, I am ready
Jell-O, Kool-Aid! Got some pecan tarts, I’m so ready
Ready for the excitement of bingo and charades
Pin the tail on the donkey, then we’ll put on a parade

I’ve, been waiting so long for guests to come
And I, been wondering just why, I’m still all alone
Yeah, I’ve been thinking maybe that no one’s gonna show

Rock out!
We’re gonna rock out to the music of Zamfir, and his pan flute
Drink up!
There’s yogurt and non-alcoholic beer, we’ll have a hoot
I sent out invitations, no one RSVP’d
It is almost midnight, and I started it at three

I’m, still waiting too long, someone please come
And I, had balloons and grab bags for every one
Yeah, I’ve been thinking maybe, I must look really dumb

I guess no one is coming
I’ll still play my accordion

God I feel so dumb, I feel so dumb
I’m so dumb, I feel so dumb, I feel so dumb
So dumb, God I feel so dumb
I am so.. dumb, so dumb
I feel so dumb, I feel so dumb…

COMING SOON!

I’m changing plans, seen this park
I think I’ve seen enough
‘Cause there’s too much, of Jurassic traffic
A place where you can, get stepped on, by those dinosaurs

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Oh no, oh no

I’m running fast, from some raptors
One had just bit my behind
And I find no love, with Jurassic traffic
Where my luggage, it gets, eaten by a T-Rex

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
In Jurassic traffic, oh no
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
In Jurassic traffic, oh no

Don’t get, stuck in it..
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
In Jurassic traffic, oh no
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
In Jurassic traffic, oh no
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
It’s Jurassic traffic, oh no
(repeat)

When we get together, I’m normally aroused
Now I just can’t get it up, now I just can’t get it up
Usually this happens, only when I get soused
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
         
I can’t explain what is going on
But I just can’t seem to get it up for…

When there’s a boner, you know it is massive
So why can’t I get it up, so why can’t I get it up?
Now it’s looking pathetic, just hanging there flaccid
So why can’t I get it up, why can’t I get it up?

My reputation is now shot to shit
‘Cause I just can’t seem to get it up at…

I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up

I tried Viagra, and even Cialis
But I still can’t get it up, but I still can’t get it up
Can’t get laid no more, and now I’m really pissed
‘Cause I still can’t get it up, ‘cause I still can’t get it up

It could just be you’re unattractive to me
Why else can’t I seem to get it up no…

I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
I just can’t get it up, I just can’t get it up
(repeat)

COMING SOON!

I’m getting away, from the freaks and jerks
That keep bugging me
‘Cause I need to be free, free from all the hells of society
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s so true
People are annoying, including you
And I can’t, I just can’t stand, most everyone

I’ve gone out to sea
To look for an island, where no one will be
No cell phones, no cars
No liars or no thieves and no broken hearts
Most so-called friends would betray you
That’s the way it goes
It’s hard to be trusting, and that really blows
So I need, need to escape, ‘cause I am done

This world has just gone stupid, and everyone’s greedy
There’s bigotry, lies and hatred, and people are needy, I say..

Just go away, and stay away, please go away from me now
Just go away, and stay away, please go away from me
Just go away, I need escape, so go away from me please
Just go away, and right away, please go away from me

I thought there would be some hope, for all of mankind
But ‘til I see people change, just kiss my ass goodbye

Just go away, and stay away, please go away from me now
Just go away, and stay away, please go away from me
Just go away, I need escape, so go away from me please
Just go away, and right away, please go away from me
I’ll be okay, just go away, please go away from me
No more today, just go away, just go away from me…

Well, I watched him every week right from my home
On the Battle Of The Planet cartoon show
Hey he’s a quirky kid and a loyal friend
Is he human or alien?
Oh, Keyop, Keyop

Do I wanna watch a show that’s bland and dull?
Hell no, I’d rather watch a show with space battles
Well, they fight all these bad guys and of course
They spring into action and yell “G Force!”
Oh, Keyop, Keyop

Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you just can’t top Keyop
(I don’t know why I like him)
Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you just can’t top Keyop, oh yes I love Keyop

Oh yea, they say he’s got a speech impediment
‘Cause he beeps and stutters before words are said
Well, he looks goofy and talks real weird
But he was, the best one there
Oh, Keyop, Keyop

Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you can’t top Keyop (I don’t know why I like him)
Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you just can’t top Keyop, oh I love Keyop, Keyop

Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you can’t top Keyop (I don’t know why I like him)
Keyop, I’d stop for Keyop, I’d drop, all stuff for Keyop
Heads up, you just can’t top Keyop, oh yes I love Keyop
Oh yes I love Keyop

Do I have my nine lives? Am I just finicky?
Claws in the curtains, and I can’t seem to get them free
Open the can, feed me from your hand, you’ll see
I’m just a cute cat, I need a belly rub
Because I’ll do a hiss, then a purr, little nose, lots of fur
Anyway my fur sheds, all over the carpet, it’s me, meow

Daddy, just killed a bird, dragged his carcass in the house
Just like I did with that mouse
Daddy, did it out of love
But now there’s feathers throughout the hallway
Daddy, meee-ow, didn’t mean to make you mad
If you give me attention I will love you
Feed me now, feed me now
And please don’t forget my water

Too late, the fleas have come, can’t tell if they were mine
But I’m scratching all the time
Now I need a collar, for fleas and ticks
With a name tag and a precious little bell
Daddy, meee-ow (anyway my fur sheds)
I don’t want a bath, sometimes wish I never had fleas at all

I smell a litter box full of clumping sand
Kittypoop, kittypoop, will you scoop it out right now?
Thunderbolts and vacuums, really, really scaring me
Tender Vittles (Tender Vittles) Tender Vittles (Tender Vittles)
Tender Vittles, Purina, Meow Mix…
I’m just a cute cat, you can’t help but love me
(She’s just a cute cat who’s really cuddly
She needs some love and she needs it constantly)
First I purr, then meow, will you feed me now?
(Go away, no! I will not feed you now)
Feed me now (Go away, I will not feed you now)
Feed me now (Go away, I will not feed you now)
Feed me now (I will not feed you now)
Feed me now (I will not feed you now)
Feed me now (Never, never, never, never)
Feed me now (No, no, no, no, no, bad cat, no!)
Oh, Daddy will ya, daddy will ya, Daddy will ya feed me now
I know for sure there’s a package full of treats for me
For me, me-ow

So you think you can pet me by scratching my ear
Then you think you can take me to that vet that I fear
Oh Daddy, pay attention to me Daddy
I am just so cute, and I know you can’t resist me
I am really frisky, everyone can see
I am very frisky, I am way too frisky, that’s me…
Anyway my fur sheds…

He must have flown a thousand ships
Taken lots of galactic trips
And then he saw the marching troops
Now throwing him for a loop
Now did you hear the news today
They say the Falcon’s come our way
Han and Chewie are his good old friends
But now he’s, betraying them

There’s too many rebels, too many bad guys
Making too many Star Wars
And this deal keeps getting worse
Can’t you see this is Lando’s confusion
This is the city he lives in (oh-ooh)
And it floats right here in Bespin (oh-ooh)
Fly out, and you’ll be so proud (oh-ooh)
Then you can stay here amongst the clouds

Ooh Vader made him quite upset
He gave Han to that Boba Fett
The Empire, as you can see, is taking control of the city

Don’t have much time, to go save Han
So stop choking him Chewie
‘Cause this deal just keeps getting worse
Tell me why this is Lando’s confusion
This is the city he lives in (oh-ooh)
And it floats right here in Bespin (oh-ooh)
Fly out, and you’ll be so proud (oh-ooh)
Then you can stay here amongst the clouds

It was a long time ago, a galaxy far away
When the Ugnaughts would blast, tibana gas
And the sound of the chamber, as it froze your ass
In carbonite

He won’t be coming back again
He will be joining the rebellion
He’s going to save his buddy’s butt
From the lair, of Jabba the Hutt

Too many droids, there’s too many blasters
Causing whole lots of Star Wars
And this deal keeps getting worse
Now you see why this is Lando’s confusion
Now this is the city he lives in (oh-ooh)
And it floats right here in Bespin (oh-ooh)
Fly out, and you’ll be so proud (oh-ooh)
Then you can stay here amongst the clouds
This is the city he lived in (oh-ooh)
But now he’s evacuating (oh-ooh)
He’ll take off in the Falcon (oh-ooh)
And leave his old life behind him

COMING SOON!

You got uncles and nieces and fathers and brothers
Nephews and sisters and cousins and mothers
But I’m appalled, by the most annoying one of all…

Lay off the eggnog, grandpa
You’ve had way too much to drink
You looked like hell warmed over
And you also really stink

All of our family members
Cannot wait until you go
You always end up passed out
Face first in the potatoes

Every single Christmas Day
You’re embarrassing
You get violent and you swear
And you crap your underwear

All the kids are scared of you
And your racist overtones
Lay off the eggnog, grandpa
We’re sending you to a home

Lazy
I’m lazy and a big freeloader
I’m lazy
And I procrastinate too

You know
I’m happy as long as I’m sleeping
And then one day
I will wake up resenting you

Tired
Why am I always so tired?
Wondering
Why I don’t have energy

Oh, lazy
Whenever there’s work I need to do
I’m lazy all morning
I’m lazy all evening
And more lazy all afternoon

Lazy
There’s nothing that I really can do
I’m lazy all winter
I’m lazy all summer
And I’m lazy the whole year through

Aaaaah, watch out, I’m coming right towards you
Oh crap, don’t know what I’m doing
Why, am, I, on, this, damned, horse?
Learning how to joust

Can’t joust, keep getting knocked right over
Maybe, I should have done this sober
Some, one, tell, me, what, I, do
Learning how to joust

Went to the medieval fair, met this pretty damsel there
Some jerk started in on her
Stood up to him like a fool, he challenged me to a duel
Fighting now for her honor, aaah

Now I, am dressed up in some armor
‘Cause I, must think that I’m a charmer
Why, did, no, one, talk, me, out, of, this?
Learning how to joust

Why did I agree to this, I’m sure all I’ll get is just a kiss
Endangering my life
People, they will laugh at me, when they see how bad I’ll be
Gonna get killed tonight, aah

Learning how to joust

Can’t joust, I’m gonna need some lessons
No time, maybe some quick suggestions
Don’t, think, I’ll, get, through, all, this, alive
Learning how to joust

I need to keep my pole up high, and try to hit the other guy
As if it really matters
I think this is a big mistake, this girl’s not worth it anyways
Buddy you can now have her, yeah

What’ll do now you’ve been captured?
And they went and blown up Alderaan
I know that you, gave the plans to Artoo
So he can go find Obi-Wan

Leia, I’ve come to rescue you
Leia, were down the garbage chute
Leia, says I’m too short for a stormtrooper

You look good in a gold bikini
And with your hair up in a bun
Seems like Han, is more your type of man
You know you set his heart to stun

Leia, before you go further
Leia, he is a nerfherder
Leia, you would just as soon kiss a wookiee

I just found out that you are my sister
And that our father is Darth Vader
So it’s true, the force is strong with you
And any kid that you’ll have later

Leia, you’re beautiful and strong
Leia, we’ve known it all along
Leia, you become the princess of our hearts

Leia, you guys named your son Ben
Leia, he goes by Kylo Ren
Leia, how could you have known that he be evil?

Whoo, whooo, whooo, whooooo…

Do you wanna smoke pot?
(Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke po-o-o-o-ot)

It s another bland and boring typical day
I plan to do nothing, and I like it that way
There’s a million things that I could do, but I would rather not
‘Cause when my life gets in the way, you know
I just smoke some pot

(Grab that baggy full of weed!) Already here
(Grab the lighter that you will need) Also a beer, you say
(Roll a joint) Indeed!
(Pack a bowl) That’s my style, man
(Bring out a bong) Yes way!
(Brew some B.T.’s) Right on, for sure
Sorry dude, if you’ll pardon me, let’s escape reality

Stoned all weekend, every night
Right off the deep end, feels so right
It just takes a minute, and it lasts so long, so let’s just begin it
Come on, come on, come on

Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Let’s get really high, till we’re nice and fried, come on
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot

I’m your average, ordinary, everyday slob
I don’t have a girlfriend, and I can’t find a job
I spend my days just chilling out
And every day is just the same
I’m listening to rock and roll, and playing video games
I have (Nintendo, Xbox, Playstation) I’ll go and play online
(I’ve been stoned since God knows when)
I won’t stop, I feel so fine
Well I’m hungry now, I have the munchies
Do you have anything sweet and crunchy?

Stoned all weekend, every night
Right off the deep end, feels so right
It just takes a minute, and it lasts so long, so let’s just begin it
Come on, come on, come on

Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Let’s get really high, till we’re nice and fried, come on
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot

Oooh, all I ever need is to be smoking lots of weed
Every time I need some more, I’ll grow some with my seeds
Heaven knows I’ll just keep going for as long as I please
I feel giddy today, hey look at me, man
Do you wanna smoke pot? Do you want to smoke, pot?
Oo-oo-ooh, It just takes you a minute, and it lasts so long
So let’s just begin it, oooh come on, everybody

Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Spark that joint, baby
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Do you wanna, some marijuana?

Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Get a buzz going
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot
Love to smoke a doobie baby
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke, let’s smoke pot, oh, yea
Let’s get really high, until we’re nice and fried
Let’s feel good inside, and have bloodshot eyes
Come on, let’s smoke, let’s smoke
Let’s smoke, let’s smoke… po-oo-oo-ot

Do you wanna smoke pot?

My stomach keeps on rumbling, way down painfully inside
And it feels especially shitty
I have to fart, but I have no place to hide
I can tell ya it won’t be pretty
I shouldn’t have had those tacos
And mixed them with the beans
My bowels are brutal, I’ll mess up my jeans
Back in the bathroom, I’m crying in pain
I cried, please God, kill me, it’s driving me insane

Life with my gas pain, sure to make you lose your lunch
Life with my gas pain, ohh no

Are you sure you want to hear more?

Just this past Friday, I was on a date
Already regretting, all the food I ate
We went and saw a movie, I tried to hold it in
I just tried to fight the urge, but you know I can’t win
She said, “Hey baby, is everything alright?”
I told her I was OK, and went to kiss her goodnight
That’s when it happened, couldn’t hold it no more
She was very disgusted, and bolted for the door
But that’s just…

Life with my gas pain, sure to make me lose my friends
Life with my gas pain
Life with my gas pain, everyday, all the time
Life with my gas pain, ohh no

Bloated and churning, ready to burst
My tummy is making noises, and it’s getting much worse
You said, “What’s your problem?
Your farts they so very smell, I think they are so horrendous
And puts me through God damn hell”
I said, “Call the doctor, I just ruptured my ass”
The doctor said “Don’t worry, you just got some major gas”
So he told me to take antacids and some Imodium
It didn’t work, it just keeps coming out of my bum
And I have…

Life with my gas pain, sure to make me lose myself
Life with my gas pain
Life with my gas pain, doubled over, all the time
With my gas pain
Life with my gas pain, life with my gas pain

I have a hamster, painted it green
His favourite actor, it is Charlie Sheen
I sleep in bathtubs, my toes in the drain
I have some birthmarks, I can’t explain

They say I’m crazy and it’s probably true
I like putting dog turds on the top of my shoes
Life’s been weird to me so far

My macaroni is covered with soap
My Dad’s a woman, Mom is on dope
I have a poodle, I shaved its back
I’m having picnics, on railroad tracks

I’m making web sites about Donny Most
I’m spreading car wax, over my toast
So I got me a slinky and pretend it’s a snake
I like anchovies, in my milkshake

Lucky I’m alive after all I have done
(everyone say stupid – stupid!)
I like to tickle myself just for fun
Life’s been weird for me so far

I go to restaurants and order some socks
I make sand castles, in the litter box
I dress up pickles and put on a show
Everybody’s invited, I just can’t go

They saw I’m screwed up but I’m having some fun
(everyone say oh yea – oh no!)
I just like being an ass for everyone
Life’s been weird to me so far
Yea yea yea

(Hmm… tell me about your obesity)
At the tender age of twelve, I was living in a hell
Just because I ate way too much junk, ha
Should have known I was too big, I was eating like a pig
And my parents knew I had the chunk
But today I’m out of luck, think I need a tummy tuck
’Cause I’m overweight, eek, I’m overweight
With no willpower at all, and my high cholesterol
And my doctor says I am a blob

And they’re sucking out my fat
And they’re sucking out my fat
And they’re sucking out my fat
Won’t stop sucking out my…
Oh,  making me feel bad

Liposuction from my gut, liposuction from my butt
Liposuction from my who knows what
And pretty soon I’ll be thin

And they’re sucking out my fat
(So, how long have you been eating junk food?)
Won’t stop sucking out my fat
(Hmm, Please tell me more about your diet)
Making, making, making, making, making me feel bad

Excrements out on the floor, sausages from yesterday
Meats, sweets, lots of treats
I’m trying to be discreet, ‘cause I really love to eat
I’m having a Big Mac attack , I’m having a Big Mac attack
Whopper, Whopper, Whopper with ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cheese

They can cut into your flesh, and make one hell of a mess
They will clean it up, yucch
Stick the tubes right in your fat, and suck out all of that crap
Now you’re trimming up, whoa
But there’s nothing I can do, ‘cause I weigh a ton or two
And I just won’t exercise, and I really should
Downsize, downsize, downsize, downsize!

Liposuction from my gut, liposuction from my butt
Liposuction, lose this double chin
Liposuction from my thighs, liposuction, is it wise?
Liposuction, now I’m nice and thin
Liposuction from my gut, liposuction from my butt
Liposuction from my who knows what

Get thin, lipo suck it out, look trim, lipo suck it out
All in, lipo suck it out, I’ll just lipo suck it out

Liposuction from my gut, liposuction from my butt
Liposuction from my who knows what (repeat)

COMING SOON!

I came home from work one night
Was lookin’ for some clothes to wear
I then asked my wife, why there’s no underwear
“Hey, honey, can you tell me
Where I just might find some socks?”
She just frowned and shook her head
Said “No!”, that really sucks

Do a load of laundry, do a load or three;
Do a load of laundry, and (and) (and)
And don’t forget to add the bleach

I picked up the bag, I went downstairs to the laundry room
When I saw Javex and Ultra Tide I could sense the doom
I said, “Hey, Javex is for unbleachables”
That’s good, ‘cause I need to clean my unmentionables

Do a load of laundry, do a load or three;
Do a load of laundry, and (and) (and)
And don’t forget to add the bleach

The whites, the colors, I think they’re all mixed up
I’ll just add soap, and I think I’ll need more than one cup
I asked my wife, where’s the fabric softener?
She said, “It just makes me itchy”
So, then I’ll just keep softener off of her

Do a load of laundry, do a load or three;
Do a load of laundry, and (and) (and)
And don’t forget to add the bleach

The spin cycle dazzled me, as my boxers spun around
And when the load was finished, it made a beeping sound
So I put them in the dryer, and I threw a bounce sheet in
Gonna smell April fresh, don’t worry ‘bout static cling

Do a load of laundry, do a load or three;
Do a load of laundry, and (and) (and)
And don’t forget to add the bleach

Make a clean clothes pile now, make sure they’re folded fine
The bag is still pretty full, this is taking too much time
I’ll finish it tomorrow, there’s just way too much to do
Lint trap is full of crap, I lost a sock or two

Do a load of laundry, do a load or three;
Do a load of laundry, and (and) (and)
And don’t forget to add the bleach

Yea yea yea yea yea, yea yea yea yea yea yea
I think I made them too big…
I always make them look like they’re real, my boobies
They might seem natural
But that doesn’t mean they’re not silicone
Cuz’ to show off my cleavage, that is just so very slutty
My booby, boobies

Look! My boobs are so big
I went to the doc, and had them enlarged
Oh, booby, boobies, yes, I act like a slut
But it’s all that I got, I’m not that talented

You see all my videos, I’m bouncing away
Shaking my ass cheeks, not wearing much clothes
I tried, no underwear
Can’t you see that schoolgirl uniform that I wear?
But when I shake these hooters, every guy drools over me
Boobies, oh

Look! My boobs are so big
If you look real close, you can see the scars
Oh, booby, boobies, yes, I know you’re deceived
But I’ll make you believe, when I shake my big jugs
Yea yea yea yea yea yea, yea yea yea yea yea yea

“Tits ahoy!”
“Britney, whenever I see you
I can’t seem to stop staring at your breasts”
“Thanks, they are beautiful, but don’t forget that I sing, too!”
“You do? Never noticed.”
“But… my albums have gone gold
I even dated that dweeb from N’Sync!”
“Well, baby, I still like looking at your jugs”
“Well, that’s okay too.”

Look! My boobs are so big, they are huge
They are inflated, my boobies
Yes, I act like a slut, but it’s all that I got
I’m not that talented

Look! My boobs are so big, if you look real close
You can see the scars
Oh, booby, boobies, yes, I know you’re deceived
But I’ll make you believe, when I shake my big jugs
Look! My boobs are so big
I went to the doc, and had them enlarged
Oh, booby, boobies, yes, I act like a slut
But it’s all that I got, I’m not that talented

I went down to this house of ill-repute
I met this woman who wore leather boots
She told me that she had something special in mind
That’s when I found out that I, love doing sixty-nine

Now this is all I ever want to do
Getting her off while I get pleasured too
I just can’t believe, this was my very first time
But now I’ve started I, love doing sixty-nine

Had a date and it was great, ‘cause she got around
She said, I really want you and started to go down
I threw her for a loop, when I had flipped her around
I closed my eyes, I dove right in, I went to town

I think I really caught her by surprise
She never had this with another guy
But since I made her come about thirty seven times
It’s pretty clear to me that she, loves doing sixty-nine

I closed my eyes, I dove right in, I went to town

I’ll always remember that special whore
She taught me new things and a whole lot more
But I just never learned anything quite as divine
As when she had taught me that I, love doing sixty-nine

Love doing sixty-nine
Love doing sixty-nine

(We are cows, we are cows) We are cows
(Eating and pooing) eating and pooing, (it’s swell) it’s swell
(No fancy things) no fancy things, (just a bell) just a bell
(Love in a cattle field) love in a cattle field
Whoo, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…

We are cows, Jerseys and Holsteins, we moo
Grazing the grass, lots of poo
All of us wanting, love in a cattle field

You’re sittin’ on that stool, you’re milking’ me dry
It’s making my udders ache
I feel like such a fool, and I think you know why
‘Cause you’re making me into steak
Believe me, believe me, I don’t give a darn
But I’m trapped by the fence, and I’m kept in the, barn

We are cows, Jerseys and Holsteins, we moo
Grazing the grass, lots of poo
Love in a cattle field
There are bulls, they are so big and so strong
Hoping that they will respond
All of us having, love in a cattle field

We are losing control, and standing in manure
And we always eat grass
And when I get too old, I’m put out to pasture
Just take care of my calves
I’m more than just a heifer, I know it somehow
‘Cause if you just look and see, I’m not a mad, cow

We are cows, eating and pooing, it’s swell
No fancy things, just a bell
Love in a cattle field
There are bulls, they are so big and so strong
Hoping that they will respond
All of us having, love in a cattle field